I know, another post, two in one day! But I can't help it. Writing is and has always been theraputic to me. I was thinking today how much emotion can weigh on our minds. How much does emotion weigh? An ounce, a pound, twenty pounds? Who knows. I guess it depends on the level of emotion and where it is coming from. It seems like when it hits, it hits with a ounce of force, or worse. I am feeling a little more than an ounce lately it seems. I think it all started on our family trip when I was slowly realizing that I really have no control over my kids. Coming to that realization was hard. I can accept some of it, but I am also working on changing that too. Just eight years too late, but trying. and then it seems to of snowballed so to speak. When things happen to those that we love, it hurts our hearts as well as weigh heavy on our minds. So, now for the weeks that we have been home, I feel like lightning may strike at any moment, and it has in a round about way a few times. I feel a weight, not just on my shoulders as the saying goes, but in my heart and mind. Life is hard, and it seems harder when one feels helpless. Maybe these trials are to remind me what life is about, not to weigh me down.
So, now as I try and think of a way to crawl out from all this emotion and figure out a way to channel it into something more positive, I am stuck. There is a force greater than me that wants me to lay down and cry. Thankfully for me, there is a more powerful force that is telling me no, don't. Get up and deal, for there is a purpose to this. I am still on the fence and can't tell you which way I will fall, but the greater force is making it easier to think that it will be on the positive side of things. Now, if I can lift the weight from my mind and heart, can I also lift it from those that I love? Well, I can't all by myself. So once again, I lean on my faith, the faith that tells me there is a purpose and a will for all things. The sun is out, the air is fresh and it is a new day. Now see, just writing this out lifted a couple ounces from my mind!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
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4 comments:
I'm there when ever you need me, Even to just VENT. I know that we all need to do that! I've been there with the kids and changing is hard at first, but keep it up. You make me want to cry. You are so great. There are things that you have that I wish I had, like patience. I remember talking to Julie and she said you were making cookies with your kids, I NEVER do that. It would make a mess and take to long. I know that you are such a great mom and are always doing what's best for you kids.
Teresa..you made tears come to my eyes! I feel so bad we were playing phone tag yesterday!! You are so great! I look up to you as a mom always! You are a great example to me!! You do a great job!! Keep smiling! :) Juls
Hi Teresa!! This is Ali, your 2nd cousin! I know who you are!! Don't be so silly! :) Thank you for the offer! We are planning on coming out to the Portland area some time this fall hopefully to scope some places out. My boyfriend has a couple friends in Portland, and we are currently just doing a little bit of research on the different options of where to live and jobs for us. I will definitely keep in touch! BTW...here is my email address...veggiesmiles08@aol.com
Talk to you soon!
Ali :)
T- im not sure you will see this post, it is a little later from when you posted originally.
I too have been so overwhelmed with emotion. The things that are going around me, family members and a couple friends that I love are hurting and struggling with a HUGE Goliath~ and in a small very small way am feelings some of their pain.
My heart has been aching with emotion. But also looking around and feeling so blessed!
I said to your dad the other that I did not like being a grown up! Its way to hard!!!!!
Glad we are family,
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