My SWEET baby boy. Where did the time go? I cried a little last night while laying in the dark remembering five years ago to that exact hour. Arizona, HOT, water breaking, almost four weeks early, scared and still not having a middle name picked out. The hospital was so different from my experience in Utah with Drew. My room was HUGE in Utah, Arizona's was tiny. My husband slept through most of my labor....with Drew we both couldn't sleep out of sheer anxiety. He was so quick..nine hours of labor, Drew was twenty seven hours! He was so TINY...skin and bones and needing his momma's warmth to help him stay warm. We snuggled for the first few hours of his life until they put him in his little crib. He seemed SO far away. Too far and I still couldn't walk from my epidural. I thought he was going to fall out of his little plastic thing and I wouldn't be able to help him. I couldn't rest out of fear.
Now after five years, and all the times I have wanted to pull my hair out, I want that day back more than anything. To smell the top of his head and have his legs curled under him with his little butt in the air snuggled so close to me. Now when I try to pick him up, I groan. So big. He doesn't mind though, and he still likes to snuggle with me. He likes to play with my hair, twirl it around his fingers until he sleeps, drifting off still holding on to it with a firm grip. I hope he realizes how sweet he is. He gives me purpose each day, along with his sister. He makes me laugh everyday and sigh with frustration. He makes his sister crazy, and then the next minute she just wants to smother him with kisses. He loves to play with Stan and challenge him to "fights". He loves Bailey and sincerely can't imagine his life without her. He is ours and we are so incredibly happy about that.
I want to stop time and move slowly through this year, the last year before he hops on that bus and waves goodbye from the window. I want him to stop growing for just awhile. Time enough for me to hold him as best I can, teach him some more before he is thrown into school where kids are mean and teachers don't let you play with their hair. Love him and make sure he really knows that I would do ANYTHING for him in the world. I think he knows now, but I just want to make sure. Time flies, and as ready as he is to grow up, I am not ready to let go. I suppose I never will be though. But today my baby is FIVE and we are going to CELEBRATE!! Celebrate the five years that he has made us all so incredibly happy and blessed by being in our lives!
Happy Birthday Nicolas. We love you buddy! XOXOXO Mommy, Daddy, Sissy, and Bailey
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